


Nightmares

by Ryuki



Category: The Arcana (Visual Novel)
Genre: Combat PTSD, F/M, Flashbacks, Memory Loss, Nightmares
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-10-16
Updated: 2017-10-16
Packaged: 2019-01-18 07:54:14
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,277
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12384048
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ryuki/pseuds/Ryuki
Summary: Xixa is roused from sleep, after her garden date, with Julian. (Angsty.)





	Nightmares

Moans roused Xixa from her sleep. She blinked in the utter darkness. Where did her window go? She had one in the shop, but – then again – she hadn’t slept at home in a long time. Even then, she had a huge window that led to a balcony at the palace. There was always some scrap of light sneaking into her room.

Another groan sounded from behind her. Suddenly, Xixa was aware of the body heat emanating from her unseen companion. She stiffened, remembering the events of last night. The red water, Julian, the eel, the garden, Mazelinka. He shifted in the bed, tossing suddenly. And, suddenly, his heat was gone. There was a loud THUMP and a groused cuss. Slowly, the apprentice crawled to the edge of the bed and found the outline of Julian’s form on the floor.

“Are you OK?”

Julian’s form tensed in the dark. The grasp of sleep – which didn’t sound like a good one – slowly uncurled its fingers from his brain. After a half-breath, the doctor replied, “Did I wake you, Xixa?”

Something about the doctor’s tone seemed strained, almost pained. The first thing that flashed through Xixa’s mind was the vampire eel bite. No, that couldn’t be right. It had healed completely, when she checked it earlier. Maybe, there were some lasting side-effects?

Fearing for the doctor’s health, Xixa suddenly needed to see his face. Holding her hand, palm up, close to her face, she called a small ball of fire into existence. The gentle light lapped over the edge of the bed and reached Julian, who flinched and squinted in the sudden light. Slowly, he sat back on his heels

He looked… sweaty and tired. Some of his curls were fluffed with bedhead, but others plastered to the sides of his cheeks with perspiration. Despite the sleep he had gotten, the dark circle under his eye seemed darker. He seemed to be avoiding Xixa’s gaze.

“Are you OK, Julian?”

“I’m fine,” he grunted, voice somewhat hoarse. “It was just a nightmare about a long time ago.”

Xixa adjusted her spot, sitting on the edge of the bed. A nightmare about a long time ago? Perhaps the night of the masquerade? Or… something else? “Want to talk about it?”

His eye darted to Xixa’s face, though she couldn’t read the expression on the rest of his face. In his eyes, contemplation seemed to be taking place. Finally, he tore his gaze away and shook his head.

This didn’t seem like the “I don’t remember killing Lucio” Julian from earlier. Something had changed in his aura. There was a cold, aged dread wrapping around him. She transferred the flame in her hand to the candle on the bedside table, then slipped from bed. Xixa moved to sit on her knees in front of Julian, settling slowly. The man’s eye still didn’t look directly at her. “It feels like this might be something that’s been bothering you.”

“It  _might_  be.”

“What do you mean?”

“I… The dreams feel like memories,” he sighed, as if resigned to this fate. Speaking slowly, Julian groped for his words, “But I don’t _remember_  being in these places.”

“I’ve had dreams like that,” she tried to reassure him.

“No, these are…  _vivid_. There’s blood and organs and bones. Pleas for help and, and, and shrieks.” Julian clenched his eye tight, hands squeezing into fists on his knees. “And I feel I caused my fair share of it… but it wasn’t out of malice.”

Xixa’s brows furrowed. What was he talking about? Blood, screaming, causing pain without malice? The apprentice focused on his words, his intent. He seemed sincere. It would help if she could  _see_  what he was talking about.

“Can I try something?” Xixa raised her hand up, letting it hover by Julian’s left temple. She didn’t want to touch him, in this state, without his explicit permission.

“What are you going to try?”

“I’d like to see the dream,” she answered, gently. “If that’s all right with you.”

He gave her a searching look, eye darting across her face. Was he worried she had an ulterior motive? Maybe use the dream as evidence of his guilt? Or strike him catatonic, so she could drag him to the palace? Had all of last night been a farce? Something solidified in him, though, and he gave a nod.

When Xixa’s hand touched his temple, Julian flinched. The muscles in his body tightened and his fist clenched harder. With her free hand, Xixa pressed her hand atop his, running her thumb over his knuckles with comforting strokes. “I’m not going to hurt you, Julian. Relax.”

Deep in her, she pulled a strand of magic to her fingertips, letting it lick against the side of his head. She wanted to see what he had seen, what the dream had been about. She coaxed her magic to show her, without hurting Julian. Around them, the bedroom wobbled and faded. A deeper darkness pressed around them.

Within seconds, the bedroom drifted away. Around them, hills started to form, then shadowy bodies and tents. The sky was overcast and grey, tinged with red. Small fires dotted the landscape. The trees were black and bare. The shadows who drifted closer focused into people, covered in injuries and wearing the same uniform in various states of damage.

Someone screamed in the distance, someone screamed closer. A shout for a doctor. More cries and pleas cascaded around them, pounded against them. Something about enemy advancement eked through the cries. People rushing to move the injured. Someone screamed, “I can’t move! Don’t leave me.”

A shift from Julian drew Xixa’s eye to him. He looked around the scene, wide-eyed and more pallid that usual. Breathing deep, quick, mild shudders ticking his body.

Her hand jerked away from Julian’s temple, afraid of what would happen if they watched longer. The bedroom drew back in around them. She pressed her hand to his upper arm, feeling his muscles relax a little under her touch.

Obviously, that was a battlefield. Though, Xixa had no personal experience with war, the dream seemed an apt enough description. Was that a different country, a vastly different time? She didn’t recognize the environment, but it could have been twisted by his own mind. Softly, Xixa had to ask, “What was that? Were you in a battle?”

“I don’t know.” Julian wiped a hand over his face, as if he could wipe the dream – the memories? – away. “I don’t remember  _any_  of that.”

Confusion and uncertainty pinched at his features a moment before Xixa leaned across the space that separated them. Something in his aura was off. Something darkened, stuttered, became cold. She wrapped her arms around his shoulders as he pressed his face against the crook of her neck. He inhaled deeply, wrapping his arms around her middle, muscles tight.

The first drop of a hot tear hit her neck before Xixa realized he was crying. She stroked his hair, silently letting him sob against her. Her brows furrowed, her own head pounding as she tried to untangle her mess of mental notes. Memory loss wasn’t a foreign enemy to Xixa. But, she never stopped to think just how impressive it was. Even now, though his consciousness remained ignorant, somewhere, deep in Julian’s mind, something still triggered memories and pain and fear of a time of blood and violence. It wasn’t until recently he reunited with Portia; did he even have anyone to talk to about this? Xixa, at least, had Asra to guide her.

As the apprentice comforted the doctor, she couldn’t help but wonder: Who would do something like this to him?


End file.
